Mother's Day ...

We balanced again this visit...the needs of my son to not have a 'house guest' stay overnight with his kids.  The young one that has lived with us off and on for 3 years is here at the moment, and he found a friend who would let him stay for the night.

This is the kid who attempted, and Shawn is concerned that he doesn't ever want my grands to be exposed to that kind of drama.  And we all try to make sure that everyone is Ok...

We hosted a going away party for Michelle on Saturday night.  She is a major part of the 'compound'... a name we use for our houses.(Kennedy style- yep!) She is my friend, my confidant, my 'running buddy' and my sister of another mother.  But she is headed off to be where she needs to be at this minute in time, and I wish her a blessed future.  Hard, but it is the right thing to do.

So, along with the drama of a going away event, we had the who sleeps where silliness.

My son really has nothing against the kid.  His major objection is that the kid hasn't found a job.  You would not have tolerated this out of either of us... he tells me. We had jobs from the time we were 15.
Yep he's right.
He considers the kid a user.  Yep, he is in many ways. 
I reply that this kid does not make good decisions.  (wow understatement)
I share that my son and his brother had our undivided attention their entire lives, this kid was on his own way toooooo early.  And raised by a mom who doesn't make good decisions either. imho.

The kid was extremely helpful this weekend.  Helping with the party, helping get the house and porch ready, and then working hard on the cleanup, and finally helping my son with some VERY HEAVY furniture that my Michelle gave Shawn. VERY HEAVY...something dad could not have done on his own.

Shawn told the kid a half dozen times Sunday during the furniture move,  that he was so glad he was there to help. 

We of course will insist that the job hunt resumes now that finals week ended Friday.

And hopefully someone in this house is making better decisions. 

And, I heard from other kids... we love you ma and pa.  They are some of my little birds who have left the adopted nest and have learned to fly alone...even with damaged wings.

I would push this one from the nest...if I thought he could fly at all. 

Going into the mail tomorrow....

04/27/13

Dear Cardinal Dolan,

You might remember me, the mom from Memphis (Monsignor Val Handwerker’s parish) who reached out to you about bullying and the lack of a statement from the USCCB a few years ago.  I was sorry to see that the issue was never a topic of discussion.  We still house ‘discarded’ gay youth in our home, because some families make living at home intolerable for the lgbt youth.  The need for family is so strong in these kids, and my husband and I hope we provide the love their birth families can’t offer.  Our ministry includes outreach to those parents to remind them that these are Always Our Children.

I reach out to you today because I saw your blog post of 4/25 saying “All are welcome.” http://blog.archny.org/

The story of inviting Freddie to dinner is a great way to connect with people; we all can put ourselves into this story. But I would suggest this scenario…

Freddie’s dad was HIV positive, and in the 1980’s we all thought it could be spread by even being NEAR someone who was positive, so dad said “Freddie you are welcome here, please put on this mask and gloves and enjoy your dinner”

Dad might have been doing exactly the right thing for the time…he didn’t understand the science.  But, as we learn the difference, we are called to Do Different Things!

Those of us who LOVE our lgbtq brothers, sisters, sons, daughters and the rest of our community, not LOVE as in “love your enemy” but LOVE as in these are my brothers…. believe that our gay brothers are not ‘broken heterosexuals’.  We believe that they are truly oriented toward the same gender. We believe that the relationship between same gendered people offers them the same intimacy that my husband and I (40yrs) have with each other, that intimacy that is the grace that helps us thru the rough times and helps us celebrate the good ones.

We believe that we have learned since the days of the bible, (mixed fiber, bacon, etc.) and we wonder if this is why there is no mention of Jesus condemning those who loved…  And we believe that we are called to LOVE unconditionally.

You have said ‘we need to listen to our people’…

I know some gay folks in your area and could suggest a few that could be part of that conversation. OR, I would invite you to begin your conversation with parents. We are a safe source of truth about our children and we LOVE in the true spirit of the word.  We believe our families are blessed by the addition of our lgbt kids…

I believe our church has room for all of us, and it breaks my heart that my son doesn’t see his place at the table, doesn’t feel welcome in his local church.  And I hate to see anyone turned away from the healing available in the Eucharist.  I would beg you to be true to YOUR WORDS and listen to ‘our people’.

In  His peace,

 

Deb                   

my bff is moving.
Ethel to my Lucy...
Gladys to Steve's Abner...
my real 'running buddy'..
the M in S&M lawn care...
the other half of the 'compound'...

She was given the opportunity to move home.... and for us all, home is where the old folks still live.
And she gets to go 'home' triumphant, a better job there will make the move sweet.

bittersweet for us.

We lived in Kansas and Mississippi for 20 years... we did the best to make them our home, and yet 'home' was where the old folks lived.  And eventually we came home, while one of the old folks was still here. So....we get it.

She came here because her company was bought by our paper conglomerate. IP.
And she did her best to make this home.  And it was....

we've been thru a lot in our short 10 + years....
my cancer, her marriage and sad break up, trauma with the drama queen kids,

getting in shape, getting out of shape....

it was her door I banged on in the night when one of my kids attempted...
she was the one who sat in the hospital er with me into the night when Steve had a pass out spell...

we built a fence together... we knitted together...we kicked together (till she wussed out! LOL)

It has been such a sucky couple of weeks... we lost a teal sister, another is in the hospital with complications of the brain, and my buddy in Ca is battling his C demons... not to mention the national crazy shit. 

I didn't need another reason to cry.   DAMMIT.

ps... the other half of the compound will be for sale by the end of the week.  I'm screening applicants.

Teal... tears

We lost a teal sister yesterday.  Our friend Tena had been in hospice care for 23 days.  She lost her battle with cancer at 52 after 8 years of treatment.  52.  Too young.  We met last night for our monthly support group, postponing the genetics presentation and instead had an evening to share our lives, tears and hugs.

Ovarian cancer is one of those buggars that just comes back...over and over until it wins.  And the stats are only good for those with an early diagnosis.  So it hangs in the air like an invisible sword...and we hug each other wondering who will lose the battle next.  Who will win..lose. The tears are for Tena...and they are for us.  For each of us who worries about the next recurrence.
And by being there we give each hope, the survivors in the room...

We all know that as my dad used to say- you can't get out of this alive! So anytime we are with other people there are those who are finishing their journey here...whether they know it or not.  Never something I think about ... unless I'm with my sisters.

We were one sister short last night. 
God bless you Tena and welcome you to your new pain free home.  We love you.